I have always had desires, interests, emotional expression &c. that are more associated with girls than boys. At 25, I found out what “transgender” meant and that the fact that I was attracted to women didn’t have anything to do with my perception that I felt more like how I imagined women felt than how I imagined cismen felt. I would’ve preferred a female body, but I’ve never experienced dysphoria — I can accept the body I have. Unfortunately, I was romantically involved with a woman some might call a TERF — she was abusive in every way but physically — I was able to defend myself, so she wasn’t able to land a blow. It took a long time for me to be able to start seriously thinking about my gender identity again. Now, I’m 51. I have an 11-year-old daughter. I get along really well with, and relate closely with my soft-butch lesbian friends.

I guess at this point, I would identify as a trans-lesbian. I can “pass” as a straight man if it serves my purpose, and I have no need to convince anybody that my sense of self is valid. At the same time, I feel very strongly about trans rights.

Julia, keep up the good work.